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STUDY| High Correlation Between Trump Fans Who Perform Obsessive Acts And "Poor" Sex Life

Updated: Sep 1

Don't Let the over the top bravado and the big trucks fool you. Male Trump supporters who perform outrageous, servile acts of loyalty, are just hurtin' for some squirtin', study out of Alabama Institute For The Undersexed finds.

"They gotta get this out somehow"...say's social scientist Doug Fisher. "It's pent up sexual energy. That's all it is. If you've ever been to one of these "Trump Trains" they would devolve into actual trains, if they knew what to do. The way these men look at each other, it's almost impossible to miss,. Trump wasn't kidding when he said you can, "feel the love" at his rallies LOL" said Fisher.

“Trust me if they could get laid, they wouldn’t be doing shit like this…” said Tyrell, a local beach bodybuilder who had an encounter with one recently. “I asked him why he was putting beach chairs in order to spell “Trump 2024”...I mean, I thought it was weird as fuck to be honest. He didn’t take well to my questioning. He accused me of having Trump derangement syndrome. Haha...I said mother fucker, I ain’t the one out here in the hot ass sun using beach chairs to spell out the name of another dude...THAT shit is deranged. HAHA...but I think he just lonely that’s all. You think if he had a decent looking babe to come home to, he be doing shit like that? Nah, hell nah. As I'm walking away, he just keeps muttering "I'm totally normal," to himself."

The correlation between Trump obsession and inability to find sexual mates isn't surprising to Fisher. "Honestly, we saw this one coming. The term Trump derangement is a clear instance of projection. "I'm not gay, you're gay" type of cope. It's a way to deflect from the outrageous over the top things they do that are often seen as cultish. Just be careful when approaching them during a ritual. A ritual could be a Trump train, or somebody dressing up their house or car in Trump gear...putting lawn chairs in order to spell Trump, or any kind of similar bizarre behavior. It's not that they're dangerous, because they're not. They're pretty harmless. But if you want to avoid an hour long argument where you get labeled as having derangement (imagine that)...just avoid them entirely. Unless they're your family members, in which case you are fucked."

Reporting from the Hells Tavern studios...that's the damn truth...more or less.

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