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Nation-Wide Droughts EXPOSE Predatory Swamp Reptilian Once Thought Extinct


A recent series of world wide droughts are exposing historic finds and giving the world plenty of surprises. In Europe, old Nazi ships are being exposed for the first time in a 100 years, leaving locals both surprised and cautioned by what may be in those ships. Here in the United States, we have a ghastly find of our own.


"We thought they were relegated to the history books..." said local paleontologist Seth Hodgens. "This kind of predatory specie, in it's heyday, only hunted in the cover of night...picking off the spoils of unsuspecting prey. Usually prey who had already done it's hunting throughout the day. Nasty creature, but smart creature none the less. It's like it would think to itself...why hunt, when I could steal the hunt of others while they sleep? This behavior made it a target within the eco system." The consensus among scientists was this specie had long been extinct, but these brutal droughts have taught us that certain species, will never die off. "They're invasive, they're predatory, they don't like getting jobs like the rest of us...so they pretend like they know more than you...sometimes going to an ivy league school just for the street cred. They're the type of creature that would fart in class, then blame somebody else."

Seth Hodgens seemed personally affected by the rediscovery of the ancient creature. "My taxes just went up...a clear indication that they're back. So yes, I'm fucking pissed."

Reporting from the Hells Tavern Studio, that's the damn truth...more or less.

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