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In Shocking twist, Republican Candidate Embraces Socialism After Image Of Marx Appears In Tortilla

Updated: Aug 24




It wasn't that long ago that South Texas Republican Congressional Candidate Monica De La Cruz was lambasting the horrors of big government spending and socialist programs that help poor people. "Poor people. LOL! This is America. Pick yourselves up by your bootstraps people. America is Christian. And Christians aren't socialists. We're Capitalists. Everybody knows that. I love you Trump! Wink." Monica said in an interview with Fox News. This is why it came as a surprise to her followers when an article from Texas Tribune exposed her taking part in the very governmental debauchery she so fiercely fought against. Oh no. https://www.texastribune.org/2022/08/22/monica-de-la-cruz-ppp-pandemic-loans/

"No. Not Monica. I was heartbroken", said one devastated Monica supporter. "What's next? I'm going to find out she never really cared about family values? LOL"


But what could have caused this stunning shift to the left? Hells Tavern investigated, and The TRUTH, may not surprise you. Hells Tavern spoke with an unnamed source close to the Monica De La Cruz campaign and were floored when the truth came to light. "She was sitting at home having breakfast, reading "The Art Of The Deal" when suddenly she fell out of her seat! I thought she was whining about her previous loss to Vicente Gonzalez again. She tends to do that from time to time. But this was different. She began to cry and yell something about, "seeing something in the tortilla she was about to eat. I ran over to see what she was pointing at and there it was...clear as day. 'That's Marx! I yelled out."

She looked stunned. "Who the fuck is Marx? I thought that was Jesus." She said in disappointment. I then had to explain who Marx was.


"People will say I'm a hypocrite. But those people don't know shit. I know what I saw. Marx is real. And he's beautiful." She said in an EXCLUSIVE interview with Hells Tavern. Don't expect this change of heart to affect her policy decisions though. When we asked her if this experience would affect the policies she might support to help the lower and middle class she said, "No. Poor people don't need government handouts. If they did, they would've seen Marx in their tortilla. But they didn't. I did. And a lot of other business people did too. Get a job,"

Reporting from the Hells Tavern Bar Stool, That's the damn truth...more or less.


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